Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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