he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
