ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I seem to have left my pride at pride
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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