watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
