ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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