I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
