Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
