I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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