Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dick has a subreddit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
