I think I died a long time ago.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
