youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
