They should really pass out barf bags in church
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
