I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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