Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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