i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
