Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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