I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
