no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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