Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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