no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
