she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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