So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
