it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm just crazy horny about you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
