I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
