This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
