I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
