Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
