Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
