This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
