wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
