so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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