how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
