I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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