Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
