Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
