Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
