Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
