What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
