I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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