Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
