my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
