yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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