I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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