My room smells like vodka and shame
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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