Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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