Moan for me like Helen Keller
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
