how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
