thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
