Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
