Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize