Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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