he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Never underestimate the power of titties
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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