I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
