my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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