I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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