i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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