It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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