OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
