I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
