My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I only lived at night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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