I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you had me at cake vodka
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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