She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
