apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
