Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
