You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
