In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
