why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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