i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
