I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
