i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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