yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
