Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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