You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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