So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
A bitchslap is in order.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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