What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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