Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
