did you get engaged???
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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