I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
