i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How does it feel to date your dad?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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