Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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