It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
