I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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