I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
