I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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