Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
that is very illegal...i love you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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