Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As shirtless as possible
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
