Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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